Husbands And Wives – Part 3: Decision-Making

Length: 5 minutes

So far, we’ve learned that the husband has been made the head, but the wife also has authority in the household. Not only so, but they are equals in Christ. What does this mean for decision-making?

Even when a husband is making decisions with good intentions to serve his household, if he’s making decisions by himself, he’s not honoring the authority God has given the wife. Likewise, if a wife sees her decisions as independent from her husband, she’s not honoring the authority God has given her husband.

A husband and a wife are no longer independent of one another. They are united as one flesh. So, household decisions should be made together. You are supposed to function as one, not as two separate individuals anymore.

Genesis 2:24 (KJV) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Paul says that even when it comes to sexual matters, a man has authority over his wife’s body, but a woman also has authority over her husband’s body (1 Corinthians 7:4). I’m sure there’s much more to it than this, but at the very least, that means that a man has say over what a woman does, and likewise, the woman has say over what the man does. Paul is applying this sexually, but if this is true sexually, how much more in smaller decisions?

Spouses should consider one another in any important decision that’s made. Even if it’s not important to you but it’s important to your spouse, they should be considered in it.

Seeing as you are one flesh and share responsibilities over the household, most of the time, if you can’t make a decision together, it’s better to not make a decision at all.

Nevertheless, for decisions that are important enough, a man does have enough authority to “break the tie” and make a decision for the good of his family, even if no agreement can be found. How do I know this? Because if a man does not have the edge in decision-making, how can he be called the “head” of the wife? And in a case like that, a wife should trust the Lord enough to defer to her husband in that matter (with the exceptions we will discuss in a moment).

This still does not discount the fact that you are one flesh and should move in unity. Your financial decisions should be made together. Your household decisions should be made together. Your child raising decisions should be made together. 

This is why the mentality of “that’s your stuff, this is my stuff” is not a godly one. When you married your spouse, you became one with them and everything that you have became theirs. Just like when we married Jesus. Everything that He had became ours. There’s nothing that He has that He has not shared with us. We are joint-heirs (Romans 8:17).

This eliminates the concept of several bank accounts, for instance. As modern as that may be, that is not acting as one flesh. Your gain is their gain. Your loss is their loss.

To give one another some leeway, I have heard coaches instructing couples to give one another some “fun money” each month in their budget. That way each person has a little bit of money each month to spend on whatever they want. While I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with this (I think it’s probably a good thing) even this should not be used as if it’s “your money.” No, budgeting for some fun money does not absolve you of the responsibility to submit to your spouse in the usage of that money. If you think your spouse would have a problem with that purchase, it’s necessary to submit to them, as if you’re spending their money… because you are. 

Ungodly Submission

Whether it’s a husband considering his wife’s authority or a wife submitting to her husband as the head of the household, there is also a kind of submission that is ungodly.

I won’t get into much of that here because we already have an article series called “Submission Without Fear.” I would recommend reading that. 

When a spouse wants to make a decision that is ungodly or against the gospel, that is not something you submit to. You have the full right before God to not go along with a decision like that. Too many people (especially wives) feel bound to their spouses. That is not healthy or godly. Too many people only submit out of timidity, but we should not submit to our spouses because we feel bound to do so. We submit to our spouses voluntarily, out of free will, only as long as they are not contradicting godliness. Then, when there is ungodliness, we have the boldness and courage to respectfully decline. 

The only person we submit to in all circumstances is God. We can have a respectful attitude toward all authority, but we do not need to submit to every decision they make. All the contrary. We are told to break obedience with man if it contradicts our obedience to God (Acts 5:29 – read the “Submission Without Fear” series to continue with this topic).

The difference between us and the world is, when the world finds it necessary to disobey authority, they typically do it in a disrespectful attitude. But even in cases where you need to go against authority, even if that is your spouse, we can still do it in love, while recognizing the position God has given that person in the household.

Just because you love someone does not mean they will be peaceful with you (Romans 12:18), but loving and considering someone goes a long way in smoothing over strife.

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