Easy Verses: Responding To Receptive And Obstinate Relationships

What is the proper way to respond to people when they are receptive, disagreeable, or even obstinate toward the gospel? Here is what scripture says.

Our “Easy Verses” articles are a collection of only the simplest verses to share with others. This is not meant to be a teaching. Full scriptural evidence for this topic can be found in our other resources, such as “Romantic Relationships” and “Friendships”

[All words in brackets are ours]

Base Your Investment On Their Receiving

The Bible teaches us to gauge people’s receptiveness to the gospel and then adjust our time spent with them accordingly (marriage having some exceptions). Being receptive doesn’t necessarily mean someone is mature. It just means they are hearing and growing.

Below is a spectrum of different stages of receptiveness to the gospel.

1) RECEPTIVE AND LIKE-MINDED
People Who Believe The Truth With You

The Bible doesn’t just say that it’s good to get together with like-minded believers. He says to never stop assembling.

Hebrews 10:24-25 (NKJV) And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.

Psalms 119:63 (NKJV) I am a companion of all who fear You, And of those who keep Your precepts.

Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV) He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.

Like-minded believers are a mutual encouragement, and spiritual gifts can be shared one with another.

Romans 1:11-12 (NKJV) For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift, so that you may be established— 12 that is, that I may be encouraged together with you by the mutual faith both of you and me.

We shouldn’t just pursue God, but do so in the company of those who have a purified heart.

2 Timothy 2:22 (NKJV) Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

These are the only kind of people God will bring for unified companionship, romantic relationships (1 Corinthians 9:5), and partners in important decisions (2 Corinthians 6:14) – not only a believer, but one with “mutual (like) faith” (Romans 1:12). Otherwise, there will be division (1 Corinthians 1:10) and a potential hinderance to your faith.

2) RECEPTIVE, BUT IGNORANT
People Who Disagree But Are Willing To Hear

Don’t stop speaking to someone just because they disagree, as long as they’re interested in hearing and growing. Just don’t engage with someone who quarrels or refutes.

2 Timothy 2:23-26 (NKJV) But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes [don’t engage in arguments], knowing that they generate strife. 24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition [correct those who think opposite you], if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.

Despite being receptive, if someone’s not like-minded they can’t be a mutual encouragement in faith, so time spent here should be for ministry, not for seeking unified companionship, romantic relationships, or even a partner in important decisions.

For a receptive unbeliever, I believe Jude is saying you can have compassion, but recognize there’s no unity between you and them. There is a distinction (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Jude 1:21-23 (NKJV) keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. 22 And on some have compassion, making a distinction; 23 but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.

Anytime you’re dealing with someone that is not like-minded, it should be dealt with carefully.

Galatians 6:1 (NKJV) Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself [being careful] lest you also be tempted.

3) SOMEWHAT RECEPTIVE
People Who Will Hear Certain Truths But Won’t Hear Others

The scriptures above told us to spend time with people who receive the truth. The scriptures below will tell us to distance ourselves from those who refuse the truth.

What about people that hear some truths but refuse others? I believe you combine the two principles. Regarding what they will hear, you speak to them. Regarding what they refuse, you stop correcting them over it.

Spend your time according to their receptiveness. If they’re mostly refusing, spend less time. If they mostly accept, spend more time — as much as they will receive.

4) REFUSES AT FIRST
People Who Don’t Receive At First, But Come Around

When a fellow brother is sinning against others and won’t hear correction, Jesus says to give them three chances. This shows that when someone is obstinate at first, you don’t immediately give up on speaking with them. Give them a chance.

Matthew 18:15-17 (NKJV) “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone [Chance 1]. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear [obstinate/hardhearted], take with you one or two more [Chance 2], that ‘BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY WORD MAY BE ESTABLISHED.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church [Chance 3]. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

For an unbeliever causing divisions in the church, Paul says to give them two chances. The point is, God wants us to give people some opportunity to turn.

Titus 3:9-11 (NKJV) But avoid foolish disputes, genealogies, contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and useless. 10 Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition, 11 knowing that such a person is warped and sinning, being self-condemned.

5) REFUSES CONTINUALLY
People Who Aren’t Interested In Hearing

Defining “Refusal”

When we refer to someone “refusing” the truth, we’re not necessarily saying aggressive or mean. We’re just saying, “not interested in hearing,” even politely. Being aggressive does not mean refusal. Being sweet does not mean receptive.

A hard, unmoving heart is not when someone’s mean to you. It’s when someone won’t listen to you (even politely).

Ezekiel 3:7 (NKJV) But the house of Israel will not listen to you, because they will not listen to Me; for all the house of Israel are impudent and hard-hearted.

Distance Yourself From Those Who Continually Refuse

After giving opportunity, if someone is unwilling to hear you, this kind of person is called “hard-hearted, a scorner, or a fool.” Distance yourself from them.

Why? You can’t reach them, but they can affect you as you grow. The Bible says time spent here is detrimental to your mind, well-being and your ministry, because other precious people are waiting for you to minister to them. Go to someone who will hear (there are exceptions with marriage and people you’re caring for). This should never be done out of unforgiveness. Love everyone, but invest in those who will hear.

Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV) He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed [not the fool, but being a companion with one].

Acts 18:6 (NKJV) But when they opposed him and blasphemed, he shook his garments and said to them, “Your blood be upon your own heads; I am clean. From now on I will go to the Gentiles [moved on to someone who would hear].”

Proverbs 14:7 (KJV) Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

Don’t correct a fool. You’ll only get shame. Forsake them and live.

Proverbs 9:6 (KJV) Forsake the foolish, and live; and go in the way of understanding. 7 He that reproveth[corrects] a scorner getteth to himself shame: and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot [blemish]. 8 Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.

A fool is classified as someone you can’t speak wisdom to. The Bible says to stop correcting them and regard them not.

1 Samuel 25:17 (KJV) Now therefore know and consider what thou wilt do; for evil is determined against our master, and against all his household: for he is such a son of Belial, that a man cannot speak to him.
Verse 25) Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man [proper response] of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him…

Don’t stand with those who sin against the gospel (referring to unbelief, not actions) or sit with scorners (those you can’t speak to).

Psalms 1:1 (NKJV) Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners [unbelief toward gospel], Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;

2 Timothy 3:5 (NKJV) having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

When someone’s not interested, distancing yourself from them will reduce strife and unnecessary persecution for you (which is vital, because persecution comes to distract you from the word – Matthew 13:19).

Proverbs 22:10 (NKJV) Cast out the scoffer, and contention will leave; Yes, strife and reproach will cease.

Matthew 7:6 (KJV) Give not that which is holy unto the dogs [fools], neither cast ye your pearls before swine [also fools], lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

Proverbs 23:9 (KJV) Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.

Even God Gives People Up When They Won’t Receive The Truth

Psalms 81:11-12 (KJV) But my people would not hearken to my voice; and Israel would none of me. So I gave them up unto their own hearts’ lust: and they walked in their own counsels.

Acts 7:39-42 (KJV) our fathers would not obey… in their hearts turned back again into Egypt, Saying unto Aaron, Make us gods to go before us…
Verse 42) Then God turned, and gave them up to worship the host of heaven…

Romans 1:22 (KJV) Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools…
Verse 24) Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts…
Verse 26) For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections:
Verse 28) And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind…

ANYONE SPEAKING UNBELIEF
Whether Previously Receptive Or Not

Anytime you hear unbelief, you either correct it or remove yourself from it. Unbelief is the only thing that can separate people from the life of God (Ephesians 4:18). The precious knowledge of Jesus needs to be guarded.

Proverbs 4:23-24 (NKJV) Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life. 24 Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put perverse lips far from you.

RESTORATION

People are not stuck in any of these phases. You are simply investing what they are receiving. If someone changes their heart to receive more, you can invest more. You need to be led by the Lord to gauge this.

Galatians 6:1 (NKJV) Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

Slightly different situation, but regarding a man asked to leave the church because of his bad example, Paul told them it was time to restore him.

2 Corinthians 2:7-8 (NKJV) so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. 8 Therefore I urge you to reaffirm your love to him.

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