I want to assure you that if you desire to get married one day, the Lord has the right person in mind for you. We need to be assured that the Lord can add a godly spouse to us. When we don’t believe that we can trust the Lord with something, that’s the time when we take things into our own hands and force an issue. But I assure you, if you desire a marriage relationship, the Lord is ready, willing, and able, through the sacrifice of Jesus, to add someone to you.
Empowerment toward any physical thing that we need or want (within the parameters of godliness) is something that Jesus has provided for us, and therefore, this is something we can trust the Lord with and not take into our own hands. And it is important that you know you can trust God with this, because as Proverbs 3:5 says, when you know you can trust the Lord, you don’t have to lean on yourself anymore.
Knowing What You Know
What are you looking for in a spouse? Similar hobbies? Compatible personality traits? Someone who’s easy-going? You’ll find that all those things are simply not the point. Here’s a godly perspective on what to look for.
The number one, most important, most valuable, paramount feature of a spouse that you should be looking for, is undoubtedly, that they believe in Jesus exactly like you do. We will take some time to break this down, but this needs to be the most important – scratch that – the one important trait that you are looking for in a spouse or even in a boyfriend/girlfriend.
If I were to ask you what the most important thing is in your life what would you say? I surely hope that you would say the knowledge of Jesus is the most important thing in your life. And if that is the case, then it would make sense that agreement in the knowledge of Jesus should be the most important thing you were looking for in a spouse.
While the world may prioritize harmony when it comes to mutual interests, hobbies, etc., as a believer who has different priorities, we are looking for someone who knows what we know about Jesus. Even if you differ in your interests, in your personalities, and in your hobbies, none of these things are important in and of themselves. Everything else will follow, everything else will fall in line, if you both believe the same things about Jesus, having matured in the same fashion.
I’ll Pray About It
There are certain absolutes in the Bible. For instance, you will never have to ask God if He wants you to go out and commit adultery. That would be silly, because we already have clear evidence in scripture that God loves unity with one spouse and does not advocate adultery.
Another absolute that you would never have to pray about is entering into a romantic relationship with a professed Christian that does not believe in Jesus the way that you do, or especially someone who is not saved at all.
Most people will say, “But I just have a peace about it.” And to that I’d say, “Romantic relationships typically feel like that.” Or, “I believe God spoke to me that this person is the one.” And to that I’d say, “If that person is the one, they will meet up with the principles that we’re about to show you from scripture first,” because God will never lead you into a relationship unless they know what you know about Jesus. And because God has spoken to us from scripture already, you don’t have to pray about it. This is something we already know.
Unequally Yoked
2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (NKJV) Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial [or Satan]? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?
What Paul is talking about here when he says, “Do not be unequally yoked” is to not serve together with someone that you are not in agreement with. He says that we have as much agreement with this world as Christ has with Satan. Now, I know that may sound a little heavy, and God is not calling people of this world Satan, but that is how much agreement he is saying that you have with this world. And mind you, this is not the type of thing that needs to be explained to the other person. Considering the fact that we are talking about someone who doesn’t believe what you do, they would only misunderstand what you were saying.
The truth is, you have accepted the knowledge of your Savior, and this world has not. I am not saying that you have any more righteousness of yourself than this world does, but you are using the Lord’s righteousness. I’m not saying that you are any better of yourself than this world is, but you are certainly better off now. And you certainly have received the Spirit of God, while this world has not. You are of a different country than this world. You are run by different laws than this world, and you have believed a different message than this world. And while this is not about thinking you have more holiness of your own then somebody else, you are not in agreement with this world. If you were, you wouldn’t be saved. It is this “agreement” that is the one necessary ingredient for a prosperous marriage or relationship to work.
This goes for someone that doesn’t believe in Jesus at all, but it also goes for fellow believers that you are not unified with in the knowledge of Jesus. With some believers, you may have the same spirit living inside of you, but there is another kind of unity that the Bible calls the “unity of the faith.” That means that you believe the same things.
The Unity Of The Faith
Ephesians 4:13 (NKJV) …till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ…
You may have all things in common with a fellow believer when it comes to the good things you have inside of you, but you may differ to great degree in the things that you believe about it. Personally, I would never get married, date, or even flirt with the idea of a romantic relationship with someone, unless they knew 99.9% of what I know about Jesus. And until they can encourage me in the exact same knowledge that I can encourage them in… it’s not enough, because that’s not unity. And just because they are saved does not mean that you are unified in the faith.
And please keep this in mind, when you like somebody, your flesh will find every reason in the book to justify the relationship. I’ve been there myself. I have done this myself. It did not turn out the way it should have. When you like somebody, you are the biggest optimist on what that person believes. Even if that person tells you in passing, “Oh, yeah, I believe in Jesus. I agree with everything you’re saying,” that will be sufficient for your fleshly mind. But don’t be hasty and don’t be foolish. Make sure you are thinking soberly when assessing what this other person really believes. That’s why it’s good to get other believers opinion on things like this. At least, if you’re not thinking clearly, people that believe correctly may have better input. God loves you and wants the best for you. Make sure there is real unity in the faith, and not an optimistic spin on your assessment. Trust me, it is well worth being sober-minded when it comes to things like this!
This is only the first part in a series. We have more valuable advice in the next parts, so keep reading!
…If you enjoyed this, share it with someone else. More people need to understand this awesome truth!
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