Length: 15 Minutes
If Jesus is the resurrection (as we have established in this handbook), then what are we to think about funerals? Should we attend funerals? Should we support the idea? Well, it’s not what you believe about funerals. It’s what you believe about death. If it’s permanent, then a memorial service makes sense. If they can be back in the next few minutes, that changes things quite a bit.
Should We Support The Idea Of Funerals?
If one of your loved ones took a nap on a certain afternoon, would you hold a memorial service for them? Of course not. Why? After all, they are unconscious. After all, you do respect them, don’t you? You do honor them, don’t you? Yet you would not hold a memorial service for them, discussing all your fond memories about them, because you know they’re going to wake up shortly. We treat naps this way because we know they’ll get up. We treat death with memorial services, because usually no one believes they’re getting up again. That’s the truth.
The existence of a “memorial service” after someone dies, is solely because people do not believe that person is getting up again. Mind you, there’s no problem memorializing good or noble acts that people have done in their life, but you can do that while they’re living! Why do we specifically do it after the person has died? Because we’re sending them off, and we believe the only thing we have left of them is a memory. There is no other reason for it.
And so, is a funeral a good thing? Well, not the way that people hold them. If you wanted to get together with like-minded believers to celebrate Jesus being the resurrection, or pray for someone who has died, to raise them back up, more power to you! That’s wonderful! In fact, that’s what a church service should already be. But that is not what typical funerals are about. They are a way of sending someone off without any anticipation that they’re ever coming back.
This concept, of the permanence of death, contradicts the whole of scripture and the reason for which Jesus came and physically died for us. There’s not a whole lot of use for the “same power that raised Jesus from the dead” to live in us, if we’re just going to expect that no one ever gets back up after death. It’s quite a waste of resurrection power, if you ask me (Ephesians 1:19-20).
Should I Attend Funerals?
In this entire handbook we’ve been establishing that death is not only easily reversible, but it is the will of God for people to be raised from the dead. It’s His will every time! Death is not God taking people home. People’s “time” to die was 2,000 years ago, when Jesus breathed His last. Death is not God’s will.
Now is that what you’re going to hear at a typical funeral? Is that a sentiment that will be communicated by the people, or even by the clergy holding the funeral? I think not. So, it’s not really about whether to attend a funeral. It’s about whether you want to subject yourself to things said at the funeral.
The Bible tells us to not sit where the gospel is being scorned (Psalms 1:1). The Bible says to guard our heart with all diligence (Proverbs 4:23). Guarding your heart means not subjecting yourself to things that are contrary to the truth. Literally, the only law that God has to all of mankind right now is called the “obedience of faith.” That is the only thing God has asked us to do — to believe correctly about His Son. And as for me, I refuse to subject my mind, willfully, to something that I know contradicts the faith that God has commanded of me. I’ve got one job, and I’m not going to mess that up.
This is not about whether to attend a funeral. This is about whether to subject yourself to what’s being said there.
Of course, if you agree with the things that are said at a typical funeral, you would have no reason not to go. But if you believe the things that we’ve spoken of in this handbook, you’ll find that your typical funeral is communicating quite the opposite.
It’s not about the funeral. It’s about what’s being said. The same way I would not willfully attend the church of another religion in order to guard my heart, I would not attend a funeral if it contradicts the truth as well.
To some, the mere notion of not attending a funeral sounds crazy. But I guarantee, the only people to whom this sounds crazy, are people that are not confident of the resurrection of the dead, which Jesus provided and commanded (Matthew 10:8). Once you understand that, this all makes sense.
Jesus And Funerals
There’s a particular time that the Bible recorded Jesus going to a funeral. The funny thing is though, He was only going in order to raise a little girl from the dead (not the typical reason why people go to funerals these days, though it should be). He saw a bunch of people wailing about this girl, whom they felt was never coming back. Jesus looked at them and ask them what all the commotion was about, and then put them all out of the house (Mark 5:38-43).
Jesus knew that people received by faith, and if this girl was to be raised from the dead, that funeral atmosphere was not conducive to her parents receiving this miracle from the Lord. So He put them all out of the house, before proceeding to raise the girl up.
So, Jesus did go to a funeral, but He made the funeral leave Him. Jesus didn’t want to be a part of that, because with thinking like that, people stay dead, and Jesus wants people to live. Jesus would not be party with that kind of thinking, in the typical funeral crowd.
One more point about that funeral that Jesus attended. When He walked in to raise the girl, then asked them what all the commotion was about, believing in the resurrection power He had, it says “they ridiculed him.” And just as it was then, so it will be now. If you stand for the resurrection of the dead, while people want to memorialize them, you will be ridiculed also. But just like Jesus, you’re the one that will actually see the dead raised, not them. And not so many will be joking then.
What About Comforting Other People?
Some have a valid concern about not attending funerals because they know there are a lot of grieving people that need to be comforted. I would totally agree that the people at a funeral (or anywhere else) need to be comforted. The thing I would ask you is, do you have any impression that the people there would be receptive to hearing about the resurrection of the dead?
There are a lot of grieving, hurting people in this world today and God is not able to minister to all of them. If someone is not willing to hear the gospel, the Lord says to shake the dust off our feet and move on to the next town (Matthew 10:14, 23). But what about all the hurting people in the previous town? Well, in order to comfort them, they need to be willing to hear the gospel. That’s how we comfort people.
Unfortunately, funerals are usually the last place where people are willing to hear about the resurrection of the dead. Most people just want to grieve and for you to confirm that their hopelessness is valid.
But even if someone at a funeral were receptive to the gospel (because that is possible), I personally would still not attend for my own mindset (as mentioned before). If I thought someone was receptive, I would wait outside the door of the funeral home if I had to. I would go out of my way to visit with someone, talk to them, and comfort them with the truth of the gospel, but I will not voluntarily subject myself to untruth. I simply will not.
We receive by the renewal of our mind (Romans 12:2). So, I will continue in the truth, even if it means not attending a funeral, that I might lay hold on the resurrection that Jesus provided (Philippians 3:11). In other words, you might not see me at the funeral today, but I’ll be raising them tomorrow.
There are a lot of settings in which we can talk to people, love on them, and share the truth of the resurrection with them. As far as settings in which people are receptive, funeral homes are probably somewhere toward the bottom of the list. I wish that weren’t true, but that’s almost always the case.
Ultimately, speak to anyone that will hear you. You just don’t need to subject yourself to a service that you disagree with, in order to do that.
Just remember, we are not against comforting people. All the contrary. We just comfort people differently than this world does. The world will rub someone on the back and give them no solution. We comfort people by telling them that Jesus fixed the problem altogether! And if someone is not willing to receive that truth, it doesn’t matter how much they’re hurting, there is nothing that God, or yourself, can do for them to comfort them (Matthew 23:37). And I will not lie to someone, or leave the truth out, for false comfort’s sake.
There were many Jews that went to “comfort” Mary and Martha, when Lazarus died (John 11:19). Interestingly enough, Jesus didn’t go to the funeral immediately. And even when He went, He stayed outside the town and had Mary and Martha come to him, to talk for a while. And yet, despite the fact that Jesus didn’t go to the funeral when the Jews did, He went afterwards, spoke the truth, and raised the man up.
I wonder which one was more comforting to Mary and Martha? The mourners that ran to grieve with them, or Jesus who gave them their brother back?
Respect
What about simply going to a funeral out of respect for the person? This answer will be rather short.
For those that are respectable, I always respect them, whether they are alive or dead. And if they do die, I think it’s more respectful to raise them from the dead, then to leave them dead and act like it’s not fixed.
Weeping With Those Who Weep?
Then what about Romans 12:15 that says that we should weep with those who weep? This is very simple.
Let me ask you, if someone was weeping and said, “God is not real! Jesus never came! There is no salvation! I’m going to hell and I’m so afraid.” Would you join them in their weeping? No? But the Bible says to weep with those who weep! How could you not weep with them? Isn’t that contradicting the Bible? No, not at all! Why? Because none of us would join someone in weeping if it’s based on a verifiable lie.
Why would you weep about something that isn’t true? Why would you weep over something that’s not real? Instead, you would tell them, “That’s not true. Be encouraged! Jesus really came to save us.” The same exact thing applies to people who are weeping over someone who died, as if they can’t come back.
Yes, a person may have died. That’s real. God hates that. But the fact that a person needs to stay dead for another minute, simply is not real. We don’t live in a world in which the dead need to stay that way. It doesn’t exist. And when someone is weeping over something that isn’t true, I will not join them in their weeping. I would be confirming their lie.
Listen, by itself, death would be a very sad thing. That’s true. And if it weren’t for the fact that Jesus already fixed death, I’d be crying too. It’s only because Jesus became our resurrection and life, that I can wipe my tears away now and have such an overwhelming joy! He’s given us power to raise the dead. That is a profound thing! It’s our answer! And for that reason, I will not join in on weeping over something that Jesus already fixed. That wouldn’t make any sense, because I’ve found out that it’s finished!
The only people who advocate weeping with those who weep over the dead, as if they’re never coming back, are those who believe themselves, that the dead are never coming back.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not insensitive to someone that is hurting. All the contrary. I’ve spent my life seeking out the answer for that hurt. Death is a bad thing, and anyone whose friends or family has died has my compassion. But my response to their plight is to show them the answer, not to weep with them as if there isn’t one.
The only two times that Jesus wept in the Bible are due to people’s unbelief (John 11:33-35, Luke 19:41-42). He was weeping for their sakes because they had cut themselves off from the inheritance, due to their wrong thinking.
In fact, while many people would not agree with this, one of those times was when Jesus saw mourners at Lazarus’s funeral. They thought He was weeping because of Lazarus. That was not accurate; neither were their other comments. Jesus was actually troubled and wept, because He saw them mourning over something He came to fix. Jesus cried over their unbelief, because that’s the one thing that makes His atonement ineffectual.
If you want to cry about someone’s unbelief, while not neglecting such a great salvation, that’s one thing. But if I see someone crying about something Jesus fixed, I will love them, I will encourage them in the truth, but I won’t join them in thinking that there’s no solution.
No Christian believes in weeping with someone when their weeping is based on a lie. No Christian does. It’s just that most Christians don’t believe that the permanence of death is a lie. That’s why they’ll join in on the weeping.
Jesus And The Mourners
Look at what Jesus said when a man named Jairus was told that his daughter was dead.
Luke 8:49-52 (NKJV) While He was still speaking, someone came from the ruler of the synagogue’s house, saying to him, “Your daughter is dead. Do not trouble the Teacher.” But when Jesus heard it, He answered him, saying, “Do not be afraid; only believe, and she will be made well.”
Let’s pause for one moment. Jesus told the man to not be afraid when He received the news that his daughter was dead. Would you tell someone that? Or would you weep with them? Jesus didn’t think there was any reason for fear. Most of us believe that fear would be a perfectly logical response to news like this. Jesus didn’t think so. Let’s continue.
Jesus proceeds to go with Jairus to see his daughter who had died.
Verse 51
When He came into the house, He permitted no one to go in except Peter, James, and John, and the father and mother of the girl. Now all wept and mourned for her; but He said, “Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping.”
And in Mark’s account he quotes Jesus as saying:
“Why make this commotion and weep? The child is not dead, but sleeping.” (Mark 5:39)
So Jesus saw a man who was given news that his daughter was dead. What did He do? Weep with him? No, He told the man to not be afraid. And then He told the mourners at the funeral to not weep, even asking, “Why make this commotion?”
If “weep with those who weep,” means to weep with those who grieve over the permanence of death, then Jesus broke His own principle… repeatedly.
For those who think this article is insensitive, I wonder how they would have reacted if they were standing in that room when Jesus asked a group of mourners what all the commotion was about, and then told them not to weep. They may not think so, but in truth, they would have replied to Jesus the same way they will to this article. It’s the same truth, just a different millennium.
Lastly, if someone dies and you believe in the Resurrection, but you find yourself weeping, that’s entirely different. You know you don’t have to weep. You know you don’t have to sorrow. You know that Jesus fixed everything, but you also know that you’re growing. If you weep, you get your mind focused on Jesus, and you begin rejoicing again. It’s not about the weeping. It’s not the weeping that’s wrong. It’s the unbelief that’s wrong. So, for those who believe these things, continue in that faith and keep your eyes on Jesus! You’re doing great!
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