Length: 11 minutes

It’s true that we should assemble with like-minded believers consistently. It’s true that we should avoid the company of those who scoff at the gospel or aren’t willing to hear. It’s also true that we need to make time to speak with people that may disagree with us now, but are willing to hear. Those are all true statements, but there are some other factors to consider as well…

Their Influence On You

You may know people that are willing to hear the gospel you teach, and yet some of those people may still not be a wise idea to hang out with for you personally.

Anytime someone has the potential to be a bad influence on you morally, emotionally, or otherwise, it’s not wise for you to be hanging out with them, even if they might be willing to hear the truth. Anyone who might serve as a temptation to you is not a good person to be hanging out with. There are other people out there that God can send to them. That person is just not you.

For instance, if you’ve had trouble with drugs or alcohol in the past, and your friends are still involved with substance-abuse, although they very well may be willing to hear the truth you have to teach, it would be wholly unwise to hang out with people that live this way, particularly for you.

A man ministering to a promiscuous woman one on one (or vice versa) wouldn’t be wise, even if she’s willing to hear. Truthfully, a man and a woman one-on-one, for the purpose of ministry, is probably not the best idea in most circumstances anyway.

A person who has been romantically involved with someone, and is trying to stay out of the relationship, probably isn’t the right person to disciple them. If you’re attracted to a person that you shouldn’t be involved with, someone without that emotional attachment should be the one discipling them. We want to flee youthful lusts, not run toward them (2 Timothy 2:22).

I could go on with examples, but any time you even have an inkling that someone could be a poor influence on you, morally, emotionally, or otherwise, you’re probably not the right person for the job of ministering to them. It would be like Joseph sticking around to tell Potiphar’s wife about Jesus, while she was seducing him. Maybe someone else can tell her about Jesus someday, but for now, Joseph needs to run the other way (Genesis 39:10-12)!

You can pray for them, that the Lord would send laborers to them, to lead them to the truth, but you may not be the right fit (Luke 10:2). Don’t fool yourself or talk yourself into spending time with people that can be a bad influence on you, even if you think they’re willing to hear. 

You’re the minister of the gospel here, you are the possessor of the truth, and if you are influenced poorly by this world, then who will preach the truth? Then who will bear this message to the world? It is more important for you to sacrifice a particular relationship, even if they’re willing to hear, to keep your mind and life straight, then to reach out to a particular person, and you, as a minister of the gospel, be swayed from your steadfastness. It would be better to sacrifice preaching to a few people for right now, if it means keeping your mind and effectual ministry on track. You are the possessor of this truth, and if you are swayed, then not only will those people not hear, but no one else will be able to hear from you either. 

Keep your mind and guard your heart above all else. It’s from the truth in your heart that the Holy Spirit can issue forth from you to this world (Proverbs 4:23). So, maintaining relationships that could influence you poorly, for the sake of, or under the guise of ministry, is not worth it. The highest priority you have, even above ministering to others, is to keep your mind locked on the Lord. That is your one obligation to the Father, so don’t put that at risk, even for the sake of ministry (John 6:29).

Family

Regarding people that won’t hear, what if those people are in your own family?

Well, as to extended family, who are not in your specific care or commitment, simply follow the scripture that we’ve given you in the past articles. You don’t have to force something, but speak about Jesus like you always would, judge their receptiveness and tailor your time accordingly. 

As to those that are in your own household, of course, you have familial responsibilities that God has instituted. Let’s address married couples first. 

If you have made a commitment of marriage to somebody, you don’t have the same choice that you would with someone outside your household. If you are married and your spouse is not willing to hear the Lord, remain with them for as long as they’re willing to stay in that relationship, pray for them, love them, and speak to them to the extent they will hear…

1 Corinthians 7:13-15 (NKJV) And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him… But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

For as long as your spouse is not willing to hear the Lord, the Lord does not promise you unity with them, as if there is never going to be any debate or contention (Matthew 10:34), but the Lord does promise you peace, happiness, and a blessed life, as long as you keep your eyes on Him (Isaiah 26:3 and Psalms 1). 

Although the Lord doesn’t promise unity if someone refuses to receive His good news, continue to live at peace with them, as much as depends on you.

Romans 12:17-18 (NKJV) Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

The reason why Paul says that we should live peaceably with people if it is possible, as much as it depends on us, is because not all contention is your fault. Of course, we should make amends when something is our fault, but as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. On our end, we can be peaceable with our spouse, or anyone else for that matter, but that does not necessarily mean that our relationships will be peaceable. That is a two-way street… Not all contention in a relationship is based on us… There’s another person at play here. A relationship can be contentious simply because of one party.

Even at times when you’re not saying anything to them, your forgiveness, submission, and love toward them can make the gospel you speak appealing to them (Titus 2:10). So that even without a word, they can become more inclined to hear you by seeing your example, repaying them good for evil.

1 Peter 3:1-2 (NKJV) Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

As to your children, if they are not willing to hear (specifically as they begin to get older), if they are in your care and in your house, you have the say over things like conduct, Bible reading, and church attendance. You may not be able to force them to hear Jesus for themselves, but you do certainly have control enough to give them opportunities to hear.

The same way that school, eating healthy, and their screen time are not optional, so things like church and Bible reading shouldn’t be optional either. Show them the love that God has shown you, but one huge way of doing that is to give them every opportunity to hear Jesus (Ephesians 4:15). 

One thing is for sure, even when people in your own household are not willing to hear, they receive fringe benefits simply because you believe in Jesus (1 Corinthians 7:14). And, with you and the household, they have the Holy Spirit there with them to convince them of the truth. They are blessed and set apart because you have your eyes on Jesus, so keep your eyes there and don’t give up… ever!

Restoration

Bear in mind, the following advice is regarding friendships, not romantic relationships. You can enter into a friendship, even with people that still disagree with you, as long as they’re willing to hear. But you should never enter a romantic relationship until they know the Lord the same way that you do. Listen to our Romantic Relationships series for more. 

Lastly, regarding those who may have not been willing to hear, here is one extra point. As much as we should avoid the company of those who scorn the gospel, and perhaps limit our time with those that seem obstinate, there can also be a time of restoration…

If someone rejects your word, then you’re just throwing seed to the wayside every time you talk to them. They’re not going to be influenced for the better by you, so spending time with them is only putting your own heart at risk to be influenced by them. And yet, there could be a time where those relationships are restored again.

Remember, we’re not trying to push anybody away from us. We are gauging their receptiveness to the things that we speak and reacting to them. So, if it is found out that someone is more receptive to the gospel there should be restoration of more communication. We are waiting on them!

This scenario is a little bit different, but Paul told the church in Corinth to not allow a particular man amongst the church, who was involved in some open sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 5). He was being a poor example openly amongst the church and was unrepentant of the immorality. So, Paul told the church to not allow him to be amongst them for a while. 

Of course, this is not saying that if someone sins that they can’t come to church. Otherwise, it would be an empty building. There’s a difference between sinning and openly advocating for something that is leading the church astray. When people begin spreading their sin amongst the church that’s a whole different story.

So, the church left the company of this man for a time to alleviate his influence on the rest, but after a while, Paul told Corinth that the time was sufficient and to restore him (2 Corinthians 2:6). Now, of course this is a different situation than what we’re talking about here, but there are some parallels.

Even for an unrepentant man, whom Paul said was not good for the church to hang out with, there was restoration after a time. I’m not sure if, when the church approached him, that the man was repentant and willing to change his thinking about the situation, but Paul was open to restoring the man to the church’s company. And likewise, even for people that you leave the company of, due to them not being receptive to the truth, there can be opportunity for restoration in the future.

Just because someone rejects the truth now does not necessarily mean that they’ll always reject it. This is just something you’re going to have to be led by the Lord on. It’s not worth pushing yourself back into a relationship if someone is genuinely still obstinate and refusing the truth. At the same time, people can change their minds and feeling somebody out to see where they stand is not always a bad thing if the Lord leads you. Sometimes people who are a footpath now, may be receptive ground later.

Just don’t force yourself into a relationship that God doesn’t want for you and don’t make excuses for people’s unbelief. Always love people, give people opportunity, but for those who have not been willing to hear, seek the Lord as to when and if restoration is possible with that person. The Lord knows, and you know as well in your born-again spirit.

All in all, keep your attention laser focused on Jesus and the things that we have spoken about regarding friendships will feel more and more natural to you as you grow. I pray that God’s grace would flow from inside of you and direct your decision making, regarding the people that you choose to keep company with. Using God’s wisdom with who you hang out with is a vital part of guarding the truth that God has entrusted to you.

Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV) Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.

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