Length: 7 minutes

In the Bible, Paul advises Timothy to “prove” leaders, before giving them a position within the church (1 Timothy 3:10). This just means that we should test people to make sure they agree with us and that they’re bearing the right fruit before giving them a position of leadership within the church. That just makes sense.

Even at Reform Church, we have very high standards for our leaders, and especially our teachers. We know that people can make mistakes, but we need to know that you are mature enough, and in agreement with us, before allowing you to speak at our church.

If God prioritizes the testing of people before ever giving them a position to lead or teach within the church. a position from which they can always be fired from. how much more should we not test and prove someone’s agreement with us before we “hire them” to be our partner in life. A partner that you cannot, or should not, fire at your displeasure. A partner that you will not only have to make church decisions with, but every one of your life decisions with. How much higher of a priority should we set on our spouses agreeing with us, than even an elder within the church?

The Checklist

So to summarize some things that we’ve been talking about, here’s a checklist that, although it’s not all encompassing, it’s scriptural, and will point you in the right direction:

 1. Are they a Christian? The answer to that question needs to be obvious, without even asking them.

2. Do they go to the same church as you? If they don’t, would you happily attend their church, agreeing wholeheartedly with it? Because going to two different churches is already a sign of division out the gate.

3. Does this person know just about everything that you know about Jesus? Could they encourage you in the same things you could encourage them in? 

4. Do you believe them to be a generally godly example? A godly lifestyle is a fruit of knowing Jesus, but it is a necessary one in a life partner (2 Peter 1:8, and Ephesians 5:21-33). Their actions and speech will also give you a clue about what they believe. I’m not saying that people can’t make mistakes, but from what you’ve seen so far, how do they treat their parents and siblings? How do they treat their responsibilities? Because the way they treat those things now, is how you should count on them treating their relationships and responsibilities in the future.

5. And finally, does the person seek the Lord and meet the above criteria, without any coercion from you? Because, when someone likes you, unfortunately, they tend to agree with everything you say. So, you want to make sure that this person thinks, speaks, and lives this way for themselves, not simply because of you. 

The checklist we mentioned is based on scripture, but you don’t need to share this with the other person. They will either think that these are some religious laws that you need to keep (which is not true, 1 Corinthians 10:23), or that they’re not good enough for you. But this isn’t about personal goodness. It’s about unity. And one of the biggest reasons not to share these things with the other person, is because, if you give them a checklist that you’re looking for, that person is going to try to meet the criteria. And why is that a bad thing? Because then they’re doing it for your sake, and not for the sake of knowing Jesus for themselves.

If you don’t believe that this person meets the above criteria, without coercing them into it, then it’s just not time for a romantic relationship. Not right now. Telling the other person this criteria is never necessary. It will actually only complicate things more. You’re looking for someone who already does these things independently, just because they want to, not because they’re trying to meet a standard from you.

God only wants what’s best for you. God does not want you to get into a relationship with rose colored glasses on, only to realize later, that you are divided on the most wonderful knowledge in the world. So be sober minded. But if you commit this relationship business to the Lord, by focusing on Him, I promise you, He is able to bring the right relationship to pass (Psalms 37:5). Here are a couple of examples…

Bathsheba Or Abigail?

You know, David had two different wives. One wife that he added to himself and one that the Lord added to him.

One of David’s wives was Bathsheba. Bathsheba was a woman that David took for himself, even against his better judgment. Of course, this was in the old testament, before Jesus died, so not everything the Lord told David is applicable today, but this part has application. When David took Bathsheba, to paraphrase, the Lord said, “If you wanted a wife, you should’ve told me, because I could’ve gotten you a wife and much more.”

2 Samuel 12:8 (NKJV) I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more!

The Lord wasn’t withholding anything from David. He just wanted David to trust Him with it, so that He could add the right wife, the right way. 

But on the other hand, David had another wife called Abigail. Abigail was someone that the Lord Himself added to David. And what a wonderful addition Abigail was to David. Abigail knew the Lord well enough to give David good guidance, even when David wasn’t thinking right for himself. And that’s what the Lord wants for you. He wants someone that shares a mutual understanding of Jesus with you. He wants someone that can encourage you in your knowledge of Jesus, like you can toward them. This is what David said about Abigail, the one the Lord added to him:

1 Samuel 25:32-33 (NKJV) Then David said to Abigail: “Blessed is the LORD God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! And blessed is your advice and blessed are you…

Isaac And Rebekah

In closing, just know that all these things shall be added to you if you will just get your focus on Jesus alone. You’ll find that the very spouse that you weren’t even focusing on is added effortlessly to you while you’re out meditating on Him. 

Isaac was a single man and his story is a beautiful picture about how it should be done. He went out to meditate in the field, and while he was meditating, focusing on the Lord, Rebekah, his future wife, was added to him. 

Genesis 24:63-67 (NKJV) And Isaac went out to meditate in the field in the evening; and he lifted his eyes and looked, and there, the camels were coming. Then Rebekah lifted her eyes, and when she saw Isaac she dismounted from her camel… Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent; and he took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her.

There is no better thing, than two people, who seek the Lord for themselves, and don’t need one another for love, to come together by the Lord’s doing, and have a relationship that revolves around a mutual knowledge of Jesus. Stop seeking another person and start seeking the One who truly loves you. And while you’re out meditating in the field, all of these things shall be added unto you!

If this blessed you, share this with someone else. More people need to understand this awesome truth. 

If this blessed you. share this with someone else. More people need to understand this awesome truth.