Length: 9 minutes

But what if you’ve already gotten into a romantic relationship with someone that you know is not saved, or you have realized that you don’t believe the same things about Jesus?

Well, of course, our number one advice would be to never get into a romantic relationship in the first place, until you knew that you both independently know the same things, but sometimes we learn things later than others. If you have not yet made a marriage commitment to somebody, if there’s disagreement regarding the Lord, then you need to downgrade that relationship to friends. There’s no other way to say that. When your emotions are invested, of course, that is not the best time to backpedal and revert to being friends, but it is absolutely necessary, because God wants you to be united with someone in the same knowledge of Jesus. It may be a good idea to get some believers around you to help you with this. The further you go into a relationship, the further your emotions are invested into that relationship, and the less prone you are going to be thinking clearly enough to back out of it. 

Of course, if you are already married, you have made a promise and a commitment. That is a different topic, but you keep seeking the Lord and loving your spouse. Trust the Lord to turn their hearts to the knowledge of Jesus. But if you’re not married yet and find sufficient disagreement in that knowledge, it is necessary to not continue any further with the romantic nature of the relationship.

You need to tell that person, “I just need to focus on the Lord for myself right now, but I know that whatever the Lord has for both of us will come to pass if we both pursue him for ourselves.” Don’t make promises and don’t make commitments. Just make the Lord your reason for being friends right now, and express your trust in the Lord to work everything else out.

The Road To Commitment

Here’s the truth: people get into romantic relationships with the inevitable intention of consummating that relationship. The Bible calls that “marriage.” That’s why it is necessary to not even go down the road, which leads to commitment and marriage, unless there’s unity in the truth first.

Here’s what happens when you continue in a romantic relationship without first knowing that you are united in the faith. Your emotions are invested, you therefore are less prone to want out, you become attached, which ends in commitment to this person, despite the existing division in the faith.

Unlike the dating process, when you’re both on your best behavior, and everything the other person says is agreeable, when you make the commitment of marriage with someone, you have just made a commitment to honor and submit to that other person in every single one of your life decisions, for the rest of your life. Where you go. how you spend your finances, how much you give or don’t give to the gospel, how you run your household, how you raise your children, what morals and knowledge you instill in them are all BIG decisions that you now must make with someone that you disagree with on the fundamentals of Jesus. Guys, hear me clearly, it’s not worth it. It’s not worth it. Unless you are sure that this person knows what you know about Jesus, independently, and without influence from you, then this is not time for a romantic relationship. 

God Wants To Keep You From A Divided Relationship

Yoking yourself in a romantic relationship with someone without first being sure of that unity of the faith is setting yourself up for a divided relationship. Jesus told us that the knowledge of the gospel would divide us, even from family members, if we choose to pursue it.

Matthew 10:34-35 (NKJV) “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’

This is not saying that we purposely make enemies of people. This is saying that if you begin pursuing the knowledge of Jesus, while someone else does not, there is no possible way that you can maintain a unified relationship with that person. You can love them, you can treat them well, but you will not be able to maintain a unified relationship. It is impossible. Otherwise, that scripture above is invalid. Jesus came to divide us from the world and from their knowledge. Jesus is the opposite of the knowledge of this world. If you continue in your knowledge of Jesus and they don’t continue in the same way, that will bring division. 

The only way for there to be unity is for that person to come into agreement with you, or God forbid, you be swayed, because of your love for them, to revert in their direction. Don’t think that this is an unusual thing. I’m not saying that a person would necessarily bring you to a point where you don’t even believe in Jesus anymore. I’m not even saying that much right now. But many people of God, have been swayed or slowed in their faith because of the people they loved. And to say, “Oh, that would never happen to me” is to simply be foolish and unprotective of your knowledge of Jesus — a knowledge which God told us to guard, because it is a precious thing (1 Timothy 6:20).

God told Abram that he had to leave the company of his idol worshiping family, and then He would be able to bless him and make his name great. Why do you think God told him to leave the company of his family? Well, because God’s blessing is conditioned on faith, and it seems evident that God knew Abram’s faith would not be able to flourish amongst his idol worshipping family. Therefore, God told Abram to leave the company of his kindred first, and then He would bless him. If Abram had not left the company of his family, being influenced, or slowed by their beliefs, I do not think we would know Abram as the example of faith he is today (Joshua 24:2, Genesis 12:2).

Solomon was swayed in his faith, not that he didn’t believe in the God of Israel anymore, but he also believed in other gods that his unbelieving wives introduced him to (1 Kings 11:4). 

Samson was persuaded against his better judgment, because of romantic relationships with those who were not of Israel (Judges 16:17).

Personally, because no one has ever done for me what Jesus has, and no one has ever loved me the way that Jesus has, I simply will not allow myself to get into a relationship in which there is not unity of the faith. I refuse to pose an obstacle to my knowledge of Jesus. I choose to trust the Lord with this area of my life, instead of pushing my way into a relationship that does not meet God’s criteria. Emotional affection for someone has been the reason, many times before, for people to give in to the beliefs, or the poor judgment, of somebody else. And as for me, by the counsel and word of God, I will not allow it. The good news in my heart is too valuable. It is my life, my health, my righteousness, my pleasure, my meaning, and my purpose. And I will not put that in jeopardy or slow its progress because of hasty emotional attachment.

The Emotions Will Follow

I know it may feel like pulling a Band-Aid off right now. I understand that we have emotions, and when we invest those emotions in someone, in the wrong way, it may be uncomfortable at first to back out. But let me tell you, you will never regret it. And whether, in the future, that person is the one that the Lord has for you or not, you won’t even care by the time the Lord adds them. Don’t worry about that. Whoever the Lord adds to you, will be the right person. You will love them and you wouldn’t want it any other way, because the Lord did it. 

If you have to back out of a relationship, you may feel that you want to get back with the person one million times over, but don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Instead, let the Lord satisfy your emotions. Now, more than ever, press in to how much God loves you. You will feel better emotionally! You will! But your emotions will never be rectified before your thoughts are rectified. Your emotions follow your thoughts (Isaiah 26:3). So let your thoughts marinate in the word of God  and in the good news of how much God  has loved and valued you. Trust his promises, that He is able to add every physical thing that you need. He is not withholding anything from you. He wants the best for you. He wants to do this for you. And you’ll find in short order, that as your thoughts are clarified, and as your mind is rinsed by his word, a bit at a time, your emotions will feel completely better. But don’t let your emotions be the thing to keep you from making a decision that you know is the right one.

No one has ever loved you more than your Daddy has. And it’s that love that is able to satisfy you forever, like no one else can. And it will be that same love that will add a person to you, who is the right match for you, in time. But you’re not missing anything. You’re not missing a single thing (John 4:14, Psalms 23:1). You’re not half of a whole. You are complete now. You have everything in Jesus. You have every need, and every want, satisfied. You just have to realize that. And the more you do, the more you’ll feel it too.

Colossians 2:10 (LSV) and you are made full in Him…

This is only the third part in a series. We have more valuable advice in the next part, so keep reading!

If this blessed you. share this with someone else. More people need to understand this awesome truth.